Jaxon's Birth Story
It was now around 3:30 a.m. and my contractions were getting much stronger at this point, it felt like strong waves that came up and over my body, with each contraction I breathed as deeply as I could. I got in and out of the tub many times to move my body and try different positions that felt better to labor in. I laid on the bed in our spare bedroom with two large pillows between my legs, my doula massaging my lower back, and my husband sitting on the floor next to me holding my hand. The room was dark and I closed my eyes and went deep inside myself to breathe and to be with each sensation. The contractions were getting a lot stronger and at this point I could not talk anymore. I moaned and sighed my way through them.
During my pregnancy I had pictured what my labor was going to look like, and I always thought to myself, “I don’t think I will moan like other woman I’ve heard in labor.” I thought because of my quiet nature that would not be the case. But I was mistaken. As I ventured deeper into laborland my moans intensified and grew louder. It was as if my body had taken over completely and I was just along for the ride. The moans came from a deep place of vibration that sat at the base of my pelvis. I felt tapped into my animalistic nature as I rode each wave with the moans of my body. With each rise and fall of every contraction, I reminded myself to surrender a little more, to trust a little more, and to just get through this one. This was the most present with my body I have ever been and it is exactly what I needed to get through each sensation. It was Wednesday morning on September 4, 2019. My husband and I had woken up around 9am. I sat up at the edge of the bed as he put on his clothes for the day. I remember looking over at him and asked, “What should we do today?” He shrugged and said. “I don’t know.” Jokingly I said, “baby should come today so we aren’t bored.” We both started laughing. It wasn’t but a couple minutes later that I felt a warm gush of liquid in my underwear. I jumped up and ran to the bathroom to check what it was. I yelled, “Babe! I think my water just broke!” In excitement he yelled out, “no way!” We both hugged each other and said, “Were having a baby today!”
I texted my midwife to let her know that my water had broke and she told me now it’s time to wait for the contractions to come. I told her I would keep her updated over the course of the day.
I was 40 weeks and 5 days. Every day that passed I wondered when this baby was going to come and how it would happen. I just kept thinking, “It’s finally here, I’m going to have my baby in my arms so soon.” I had no fear going into labor as I spent the last 9 months preparing my body, mind, and spirit for this event. If anything, I was more curious as to how the whole process would unfold. I spent so much of my pregnancy listening to others birth stories and just wondered how mine would be.
It was almost 10am and my husband and I decided to go on our walk to help start the labor process. We got back to the house around 11:30 and we started making breakfast and that’s when I started feeling lower back pain similar to dull menstrual cramps. This feeling lasted for most of the day. After breakfast we went downstairs to set up my birthing space. Kyle blew up the tub as I gathered towels that I folded and placed next to the tub. I rolled up wet hand towels and doused them in lavender and placed them in the mini fridge. I filled the mini fridge with coconut water and spring water, and I made sure that I had my essential oils, incense, and stereo ready to go. After we finished setting up my space we laid down to watch a movie together. We relaxed as much as we could knowing that we’d need the energy for later.
It was around 6pm that I got out of bed and made some dinner. I could feel the contractions starting to well up inside of me but they were still very manageable and I just breathed my way through them. Kyle had fallen asleep and I laid back down with him and watched tv.
It was around 7pm and I started to time my contractions. They were 6 minutes apart lasting 1 minute for 1 hour. The sensations were getting stronger and I kept breathing deeply through them. Still very manageable at this point. I called my mom and told her the progress I’ve been making and she decided to come over around 10pm.
When my mom came over, my contractions we’re about 4 minutes apart and at this point they were noticeable enough to put all of my focus on the contraction as I continued to breathe my way through it. About an hour had passed and there were no changes, so I decided to lie down and try to rest some more. I got in bed with my husband and closed my eyes, at this point the contractions were too strong to ignore and lying down just felt uncomfortable. So I woke my husband up, we went downstairs and he started to fill the tub with water as I stretched on my yoga mat and focused deeply on what was surging through my body. Kyle lit my candles, turned on my essential oil diffuser, and played my “labor playlist” I had made. I sat on my yoga mat and stretched as each contraction came through me. I kept thinking to myself, “This isn’t so bad. I can this. My body can do this. ”At 1:30am I called my doula to let her know my contractions were 3 minutes apart so she told me she’d get ready and head over. She arrived at 2:30am and I was about the same as when I called her. She came inside and my doula, mom, and husband all sat with me as we waited for what the night was going to bring.
I texted my midwife to let her know that my contractions were now 1-2 minutes apart. At this point my doula suggested I get into the tub to start laboring in. I got into the tub and the warm water instantly made my lower back feel better. I rested my back on the tub in between contractions and with every surge I listened to my body and moved with my breath. My midwife showed up just before 5:00am. I was laboring on the bed when she came in and she checked the baby’s heartbeat. She affirmed everything sounded great.
From 5 a.m. to about 9 a.m. I labored in the pool, on the floor, on the toilet. I tried every position possible, moving and working with my body and my breath as much as I could. Staying fully present. The moments in between contractions felt like pieces of heaven as I was washed in endorphins and drifted off into another dimension it felt like. I was grateful for the moments of rest I had in between. I believe nature designed us this way for the motivation to keep going. Those moments of restoration was just enough to keep going when another contraction arose. It was around 930am that the energy of my birth turned its course. My moans were the deepest and loudest they have been. I felt an overwhelming amount of pressure deep within my pelvis and my body did what it had to, to bear down. The energy of my contractions were very intense and it was at this point that my midwife and her assistant surrounded the tub I was in. They checked for the baby’s heartbeat again and they could tell it was time for me to push. I spent a good hour in the tub finding the right position and with each contraction I felt my body doing the pushing. It was as if something took over me and my only job was to surrender to it.
My husband came from behind me, kneeling from the outside of the tub, he wrapped his arms under mine as I rested the back of my head on his chest. I grabbed the back of my knees, pulled them towards me, and with each contraction I pushed. This went on for about an hour and a half. It was almost 11am now and I felt like I was getting nowhere. With every push I thought “this is it, my baby’s coming out.” And with every push I felt like the outcome was the same. I looked up at one point and asked if my labor was stalled. The midwives and doula chuckled and said no not at all. This was reassuring. I was tired of being in the water so I got out and my doula dried me off. The midwives were setting up chux pads on the floor for me to labor in. I tried different positions from kneeling, to lying on my back and my side. None of these positions felt comfortable and my lower back was in the most discomfort it had been this whole time. My doula did everything she could to relieve the tension. I don’t know what I would do without her. She knew exactly where I needed to be massaged without me saying a word, and that made all the difference. It’s now 11:45 a.m. and I get on my hands and knees. The contractions are the strongest they have been and with an overwhelming desire to push, I really begin to feel this progressing. With the gentle guidance of my midwife and doula, they remind me to use the energy of the contraction to bring this baby out. “Just when you think you can’t, that’s when you give it all you’ve got.”
I heard these words and did exactly that. The contractions were closer together and stronger than ever before. I used each one to push this baby out. I could feel myself opening more with each one and with all the strength I had within me, with one final push, I birthed the most perfect baby boy into the world at 12:14 p.m. on September 5, 2019.
My midwife handed me my baby from underneath me. My whole body trembling from all the work I had done, but filled with the most loving high I’ve ever experienced. I laid down on the floor with a pillow behind my head and my baby in my arms. My husband in tears sitting next to me as I breathed deeply in relief. I couldn’t believe it. I did it. I birthed my baby into the world naturally, and with the help of the most incredible team surrounding me. Everything seemed a blur. It felt like the longest and shortest 12 hours of my life. The only thing that mattered was that I had our baby in my arms, and the three of us together as a family, for the first time.
This day will forever be special to me for many reasons. It was the day I met my son. The same being who inhabited my belly for 9 months, the being that was created from the love my husband and I share for each other. This day will also forever remind me of my strength, my courage, and my perseverance.
I am strong. I am woman.